randomly

Randomly... that's how it hits you.  The things that bring it all bubbling back to the surface, well they aren't always the things you would expect.  You'd think it would hurt to look at the window and see your truck parked there, everyday... but it doesn't.  What bothers me is to hear it... start up or pull into the driveway knowing you aren't behind the wheel.

Missing you...

Love you more,
Mom

ebb and flow

Grief is like the ocean;

it comes in waves,

ebbing and flowing.

Sometimes the water is calm,

and sometimes it is overwhelming.

All we can learn to do is swim.

vicki harrison

I came across this quote the other day... I'm still hanging on to the side of the pool, hesitant to let go and swim.

Missing you on this February Sunday.

Love you more,

Mom

waiting

It's been over 5 months now.  After those first few days of shock and numbness wore off, well I've felt like I've been waiting for something.  I'm not sure what... kind of like the feeling when you're getting ready to go somewhere and you're waiting to go... just a feeling  in the back of my mind, all the time... like you're not quite where you're going yet... just waiting.

I'm just unsure of what it is I'm waiting for...

Love you more,
Mom

remembering

This video made me think of you... of all those days at the rinks.  All those times you looked up in the stands... something I didn't really even realize you did until another mother pointed it one day.  I miss those days,

I miss you.

Love you more,

mom

sunny january sunday

Today, and the last few days, have been sunny.  Not the usual January weather for us.  Lots of activity in the fields and farms around us.  I still can't believe you're not one of those hard working men (or women) on a tractor anymore.

And today I couldn't help but think it was the kind of day you would have come over for a tractor ride.

Missing you...

Love you more,
Mom

mt baker

zach's photo of mt baker

 The other day when I left work, the sky was clear of the fog we've been having and I could see Mt Baker.  For some reason it made me think of you that day.... and I realized that all of the places you had lived, all three, you had a view of Mt Baker.

Our house in Ferndale where you lived the first 15 years of your life had a view of Mt Baker...

today, where mt baker would be

 And our house in Custer... you and I walked back through the wheat field to get this picture on a beautiful May day, the first May we lived here.

Even your room upstairs had the only view in the house, just the top of Mt Baker peaked above the tree.

And lastly, your little house in Lynden.  It too had a view of Mt Baker, right out of your living room windows.

 Today I waited to see if the fog would burn off enough to get a picture of Mt Baker with my new camera... but no such luck.

Another lesson learned, to not take anything in life for granted.  Another Sunday passing by without you.

Love you more,
Mom

january 11th

Happy birthday Zach.  Wish you were here to celebrate your 24th with us as usual... no pizza dinner at Boston's  for the first time in 8 years.

Missing you always...
Love you more,
Mom