good ones

Remember when Dad started taking you and krysta ice skating....  Oh how you loved to skate and wanted to play hockey.  You skated sometimes 3 or 4 times on a weekend, then roller hockey that first summer and finally your first try at ice hockey the following fall.  I remember your first game was in Langley, at the old twin rinks.  I think the other team stopped keeping score at about 22 to 1… but when you got in the car after the game you were so excited… your comment “That was a great game!”  The next 10 years were hours and hours of hockey, games and practices, in cold rinks across lower BC and Washington state.  I think we wore out our car in those hockey years… 

I appreciate all those hours in the car together now more than ever.

Miss you,

Love you more,

Mom

the middle

As I was driving towards Lynden this morning... and the sun was shining.  I couldn't help but wonder when, or if, I'll ever truly be happy again.  Not that I don't smile and laugh but truly happy, the joyful kind.  The kind that you feel bursting out of you on a sunny spring Sunday when all is well... the kind that makes you feel it right in the center of your chest, your heart.

It seems like my emotional spectrum is stuck somewhere in the middle... on the other end, well I don't worry a whole lot anymore.  Before that day in August if I was worried I'd feel that stomach dropping sensation...  and being the worrier that I was it was there a lot.  Now I wasn't even nervous on my job interview... don't feel it in the car in snowy weather... don't feel it when you pass by a cop car with his radar out.

Now I'm just somewhere in the middle... they say time heals all wounds.  I guess I still need more time.

Missing you.

Love you more,
Mom

seasons

It's hard to believe it's almost spring.  This will be the third season change without you... summer to fall, fall to winter, winter to spring.

Seeing all the farm equipment traveling around our part of the county just makes me miss you more... You should be on one of those tractors driving here and there... Gearing up for a busy spring and harvest.

I miss your goofiness... they way you always said "hey" when you called or came by... a random text that could be about anything... I still can't believe you're gone.

The tulips I planted in the fall are coming up.  Just a few inches above ground so far.  I'd hoped by the time they bloomed it would be easier living in a world without you.... perhaps someday, but not yet today.

Missing you on this rainy, almost spring, Sunday.
Love you more,
Mom

planting

As I get ready to plant 100's of impatien seeds... I can't help but think of last spring, April in fact, when you came over to help me get the garden ready for planting.  Tilling, weeding and shoveling.

And as I start planning all the flowers to be planted from seed I think of you... as I use the seed flats you brought me a few years back.

I'm sure others think of you too as the spring work picks up in the fields.  I know I do when I see a tractor go by on the road.

Missing you as we get ready to start a new season, again without you.

Love you more,
Mom

legacy

a legacy is etched into the minds of others, and into the stories they share about you... Shannon Alder

When you died I worried that everyone would forget you... but after your memorial service and especially now at 6 months I know that's not true.  Family, friends, co-workers... we all still think of you.  You left a legacy that's for sure.

Love you more,
Mom