the middle

As I was driving towards Lynden this morning... and the sun was shining.  I couldn't help but wonder when, or if, I'll ever truly be happy again.  Not that I don't smile and laugh but truly happy, the joyful kind.  The kind that you feel bursting out of you on a sunny spring Sunday when all is well... the kind that makes you feel it right in the center of your chest, your heart.

It seems like my emotional spectrum is stuck somewhere in the middle... on the other end, well I don't worry a whole lot anymore.  Before that day in August if I was worried I'd feel that stomach dropping sensation...  and being the worrier that I was it was there a lot.  Now I wasn't even nervous on my job interview... don't feel it in the car in snowy weather... don't feel it when you pass by a cop car with his radar out.

Now I'm just somewhere in the middle... they say time heals all wounds.  I guess I still need more time.

Missing you.

Love you more,
Mom