martha

This week I read that Martha Stewart's sister passed away suddenly last summer at the age of 59.

Now some may wonder why I would mention this here... but we kind of had a Martha thing all those years ago.

I remember the first year I really followed her this issue of her magazine came out, I think it is still my favorite to this day.  Then came her Christmas special... you, Krysta and I all lined up on the old orange sofa downstairs with just the Christmas tree lights on while we watched her create beautiful things showing all the steps in that slow, methodical way her original show used to have.

I remember that same year before you went off to school... I'd say to you or you'd say to me... "Wanna watch Martha?"  And you and I would cuddle up on the bed or the couch and spend a half hour watching her cook, grow and create.

At her sister's memorial she read this poem... and it is fitting.

To the living, I am gone.

To the sorrowful, I will never return.

To the angry, I was cheated,

But to the happy, I am at peace,

And to the faithful, I have never left.

I cannot be seen, but I can be heard.

So as you stand upon a shore, gazing at a beautiful sea - remember me.

As you look in awe at a mighty forest and its grand majesty - remember me.

As you look upon a flower and admire its simplicity - remember me.

Remember me in your heart, your thoughts, your memories of the times we loved,

the times we cried, the times we fought, the times we laughed.

For if you always think of me, I will never be gone.

Missing you and remembering you everyday...
Love you more,
Mom

tomorrow

I think about tomorrows a lot... how we take them for granted.  I'm the worst about putting something off until tomorrow... always planning for the next spring garden or the next season.  But sometimes there isn't another Christmas or another summer and we should be enjoying the "now" more.  It can be hard when there's so much going on in life each day to just stop and realize how lucky we are to have a today.  How we think we don't have time or money for something but we'll do it "next year"... I'm not saying we should all be grasshoppers instead of ants but perhaps we should be somewhere in the middle just a bit more often.

Missing you each and every day,
Love you more,
Mom

sweet

Halloween is coming up on us... this Friday in fact.  Can't help but think of the one who had the biggest sweet tooth of them all...

 I suppose you came by it naturally but you definitely preferred candy or cake to anything else.  Once when you were about 4 or 5 and I was not feeling well you kept me company in bed watching tv and napping, little did I know that while I slept you had helped yourself to brown sugar and white sugar straight out of the package!

I used to make peanut butter and honey for sandwiches and sometimes would use it with jam for you... you convinced your grandma this was ok to have together and when she was making it for you well you of course said actually my mom makes me honey and jam sandwiches... she didn't buy that one!

 I need to take candy in for work on Friday and looked for your favorite Fastbreak candy bars but I guess my grocery store didn't stock those in mini size this year.

Missing that sweet little boy and big boy every day.

Love you more,
Mom

cherish

A week or two ago I read a story about a family that was about to have their first baby... it was not expected to live more than a few hours after birth due to being born without all parts of his brain... i think it is Anencephaly.

His parents found this out last April, 5 months or so before his October due date.  I'm sure they grieved and went through all kinds of thoughts and feeling but what stuck with me is that they actually spent the summer doing a "bucket list" of things they would have liked to have done with their son knowing he had little chance of surviving.

I can't imagine being those parents... even after these past months I still can not imagine how they could make it through this pregnancy knowing the likely result.

But what it makes me realize is we must cherish every single minute... from birth to death.  The small things and the big things.   The happy things and the sad things.  I also realized that I was more fortunate than others because I got to know you longer than anyone else.

Missing you every day...
Love you more,
Mom

you were missed

You would have had a great time last night... I thought of you and how you would have enjoyed talking to all about the barn and the tractor collection... you might even have kicked up your heels a bit as the evening progressed... I think you would have thought the decorating was a bit overboard and complained about another wedding...  but secretly would have enjoyed being part of this.

I know that I will ever attend a family event and not feel like something is missing.

Love you more,
Mom

the dogs

We had another little dog mishap this week... this one more funny or smelly than serious.  I thought you'd appreciate it.  Kasia had a run in with a skunk one morning.

I couldn't help but remember the "greenies incident"...

 Cady's, uhm, "gastro issues" that warm September day a few years back.

 No one will ever forget the "tail incident"... I think it still embarrasses Cady...

Or Kasia's leap of faith... or stupidity off the retaining wall...

 I often wonder if they miss you at night, especially when they're a bit scared of thunder, lightening or fireworks...

 Miss your walks in the field...

They still bark and have a happy dance when they see your truck pull up in the driveway...

I think they miss you too.

Love you more,
Mom

happiness

"you have no idea the amount of happiness you brought into my life..."

I saw this quote on pinterest and thought it was so appropriate.  I miss the silly little boy... the goofball of a teen and the young man you were becoming.

This whole experience, if nothing else, has made me realize how much I need to enjoy and really live in the moments and not always be worrying or planning for the future.

Love you more,
Mom