just another day

Last week was my birthday... Not long ago I'd have never thought I'd turn 50 and you wouldn't be here.

The last few years you've worked on my birthdays.  Usually harvest was in full swing but I usually heard from you by phone, text, facebook and even a couple of times flowers delivered... once the arrangement pictured with a card that said "And you probably thought I forgot again... so have a happy birthday" fortunately I tend to keep everything and still have that card.

Last year you left me a facebook message "It's a little bit late but I can't forget to wish the best mom in the world a happy birthday."  At the time I kind of laughed and was going to respond about how cheesy this sounded, I'm glad I didn't and just responded with a smiley face... although now I wish I'd taken the time to say "I love you".

As trite or silly as this may sound, I hope facebook exists longer than I, so that I can always look back at this last birthday message.

Love you more,
Mom

risks

It's funny how we humans can take on the risk of loving someone... or something... knowing they may not always be here.  We do it when we get a new pet knowing that we will most likely out live it's 10 or 15 years of life.  And we do it when we choose to have children as well thinking that life will always be that wonderful fairy tale.

I can't believe you and Molly are both gone now.  This seemed like just yesterday.

Juice mustache and all.

Love you more,
Mom

fading

I finally understand why there are cemeteries and why people visit them… It’s hard to see your loved one’s name fading… it disappears from everything eventually, bank accounts, a deed, a mortgage… we all want to grasp that last thing we have of you besides our memories.  I think it’s why we have children in the first place… a way for all of us to live on forever in some small way.

Love you more,

Mom 

harvest

It's hard to believe that exactly one year ago today, on the Sunday before harvest started, you came over for Sunday dinner.  You brought three bowls of raspberries, the first picks of the season you said.

You sat in the kitchen as I made dinner and told me how you were looking forward to harvest starting the following day.  You and your boss were talking and you said that the night before harvest was like what Christmas Eve feels like as a little kid, you were that excited.

I have to believe that at least you had found a place and a job that you truly loved.  Many of us never find that.

The fields around us are starting to be harvested.  I'm sure your old co-workers are missing you just like us.  The weeks of harvest will be long this year as I think of you each time I drive by field after field of raspberries.

Love you more,
Mom

saturday night

Last night was a family wedding.  As usual, you were missed... especially since it was a wedding for young people your age.

You would have enjoyed the night...music (although not much country), beer and a bunch of rednecks plus family and friends.

Love you more,
Mom

a month of sundays

It's been over a month of Sundays yet I still find Sunday to be the most difficult day of the week.

Missing you on this Father's Day weekend.

Love you more,
Mome

night shift

This past Friday night the tractors/sprayers were heading by the house at about 10:30 or so to the fields off Stein Road.  Of course it reminded me of you and all of your stories during these weeks and months leading up to harvest with lots of hours of spraying the berry fields through the night.

Missing you.

Love you more,
Mom