tomorrow

I think about tomorrows a lot... how we take them for granted.  I'm the worst about putting something off until tomorrow... always planning for the next spring garden or the next season.  But sometimes there isn't another Christmas or another summer and we should be enjoying the "now" more.  It can be hard when there's so much going on in life each day to just stop and realize how lucky we are to have a today.  How we think we don't have time or money for something but we'll do it "next year"... I'm not saying we should all be grasshoppers instead of ants but perhaps we should be somewhere in the middle just a bit more often.

Missing you each and every day,
Love you more,
Mom

sweet

Halloween is coming up on us... this Friday in fact.  Can't help but think of the one who had the biggest sweet tooth of them all...

 I suppose you came by it naturally but you definitely preferred candy or cake to anything else.  Once when you were about 4 or 5 and I was not feeling well you kept me company in bed watching tv and napping, little did I know that while I slept you had helped yourself to brown sugar and white sugar straight out of the package!

I used to make peanut butter and honey for sandwiches and sometimes would use it with jam for you... you convinced your grandma this was ok to have together and when she was making it for you well you of course said actually my mom makes me honey and jam sandwiches... she didn't buy that one!

 I need to take candy in for work on Friday and looked for your favorite Fastbreak candy bars but I guess my grocery store didn't stock those in mini size this year.

Missing that sweet little boy and big boy every day.

Love you more,
Mom

cherish

A week or two ago I read a story about a family that was about to have their first baby... it was not expected to live more than a few hours after birth due to being born without all parts of his brain... i think it is Anencephaly.

His parents found this out last April, 5 months or so before his October due date.  I'm sure they grieved and went through all kinds of thoughts and feeling but what stuck with me is that they actually spent the summer doing a "bucket list" of things they would have liked to have done with their son knowing he had little chance of surviving.

I can't imagine being those parents... even after these past months I still can not imagine how they could make it through this pregnancy knowing the likely result.

But what it makes me realize is we must cherish every single minute... from birth to death.  The small things and the big things.   The happy things and the sad things.  I also realized that I was more fortunate than others because I got to know you longer than anyone else.

Missing you every day...
Love you more,
Mom

you were missed

You would have had a great time last night... I thought of you and how you would have enjoyed talking to all about the barn and the tractor collection... you might even have kicked up your heels a bit as the evening progressed... I think you would have thought the decorating was a bit overboard and complained about another wedding...  but secretly would have enjoyed being part of this.

I know that I will ever attend a family event and not feel like something is missing.

Love you more,
Mom

the dogs

We had another little dog mishap this week... this one more funny or smelly than serious.  I thought you'd appreciate it.  Kasia had a run in with a skunk one morning.

I couldn't help but remember the "greenies incident"...

 Cady's, uhm, "gastro issues" that warm September day a few years back.

 No one will ever forget the "tail incident"... I think it still embarrasses Cady...

Or Kasia's leap of faith... or stupidity off the retaining wall...

 I often wonder if they miss you at night, especially when they're a bit scared of thunder, lightening or fireworks...

 Miss your walks in the field...

They still bark and have a happy dance when they see your truck pull up in the driveway...

I think they miss you too.

Love you more,
Mom

happiness

"you have no idea the amount of happiness you brought into my life..."

I saw this quote on pinterest and thought it was so appropriate.  I miss the silly little boy... the goofball of a teen and the young man you were becoming.

This whole experience, if nothing else, has made me realize how much I need to enjoy and really live in the moments and not always be worrying or planning for the future.

Love you more,
Mom

passing first

As I sit here on a bright, sunny day in September I can't help but realize we've "made it" through all of the firsts... yesterday, September 13th marks one year since your memorial service.  We've passed all of the other firsts as well, your birthday, the holidays, seasons, harvest and of course, the one year date of your death.  You'd think after a year it would be easier but it really hasn't.  Although we coped through those first hazy days and weeks, it hasn't gotten any better with the passing of time.

All those milestones in your 23 1/2 years and I never, ever thought we'd be acknowledging this one on the calendar of life.

Miss you every single day.

Love you more,
Mom