just another day

Last week was my birthday... Not long ago I'd have never thought I'd turn 50 and you wouldn't be here.

The last few years you've worked on my birthdays.  Usually harvest was in full swing but I usually heard from you by phone, text, facebook and even a couple of times flowers delivered... once the arrangement pictured with a card that said "And you probably thought I forgot again... so have a happy birthday" fortunately I tend to keep everything and still have that card.

Last year you left me a facebook message "It's a little bit late but I can't forget to wish the best mom in the world a happy birthday."  At the time I kind of laughed and was going to respond about how cheesy this sounded, I'm glad I didn't and just responded with a smiley face... although now I wish I'd taken the time to say "I love you".

As trite or silly as this may sound, I hope facebook exists longer than I, so that I can always look back at this last birthday message.

Love you more,
Mom

risks

It's funny how we humans can take on the risk of loving someone... or something... knowing they may not always be here.  We do it when we get a new pet knowing that we will most likely out live it's 10 or 15 years of life.  And we do it when we choose to have children as well thinking that life will always be that wonderful fairy tale.

I can't believe you and Molly are both gone now.  This seemed like just yesterday.

Juice mustache and all.

Love you more,
Mom

fading

I finally understand why there are cemeteries and why people visit them… It’s hard to see your loved one’s name fading… it disappears from everything eventually, bank accounts, a deed, a mortgage… we all want to grasp that last thing we have of you besides our memories.  I think it’s why we have children in the first place… a way for all of us to live on forever in some small way.

Love you more,

Mom