sparkling

 You would hardly recognize your little kitchen.  It's pretty sparkling clean right now.  Bright white on this sunny Sunday afternoon.

Dad finished many of the little things that you'd been wanting to do... touched up your black line above the cupboards, finished and painted your hallway floors, finished the second bedroom.  And we finally got curtain rods up today.

 I'm so sorry you aren't here to enjoy your cozy little house.

Miss you...

Love you more,
Mom

harvest

Harvest came close to breaking the record this year....

Wish you were here.  You would have been proud.

Love you more,
Mom

a waking unconsciousness

The stunning, shocking loss of her husband had hit Mary with the stunning force of a blow to the skull.  She would never forget when she'd gotten the news, from the police.  Incredulity had both paralyzed and saved her sanity, creating an awful sort of waking unconsciousness; she had lived the next few minutes after she'd heard in the interstices between believing and not believing that her beloved husband was gone forever. The Accused by Lisa Scottoline.

Zach this is EXACTLY how I felt when I learned you had died, only it wasn't just minutes... but days and even weeks of feeling this way... a waking unconsciousness.  Even now, at almost 11 weeks, some days I still do.  The reality of living the rest of my life without you hurts.... I know it will ease with time, but for now it's still so hard.

Missing you...
Love you more,
Mom

each day is new

I found this book at the thrift store the other day... it seems pretty much  how life is these days.  Each day is new and each day brings different emotions.  For a few days things seemed better then this last week or so has been tough again.  Perhaps it's because we've been going through your things, clothes for the thrift store and work clothes for a fund raiser.  Looking at your things has been tough... washing your clothes, things I knew you had worn recently.

It's hard to believe it's November, almost 10 weeks now.  Another month on the calendar without you.

Today I planted tulips.  Lots and lots of red and yellow tulips.

You had given me a hard time on my pastel and pale gardens.  Maybe in the spring when these red tulips burst out of the ground it will bring a smile and a memory of you.

Missing you as always on this pretty November day.

Love you more,
Mom